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Communicating with your Significant Other

Communicating with your Significant Other

By: Michael Bouciquot, M.S.

May 6, 2016

Couple Communicating

Communicating with your Significant Other

Seems like you always hear, in order to have a great relationship you need to be able to communicate. What does healthy communication look like? Yelling at your partner about what’s on your mind and them yelling back most likely would not be effective. Not communicating with your significant other is a way of communication. Giving them the cold shoulder or ignoring them is letting them know that you do not want to talk or be bothered. According to a 2013 Huffington Post survey, the #1 reason for divorce is poor communication. Many people want to know, what they can do in order to improve communication in their relationship. Here are a few tips that might help you and your partner improve on communicating with each other.


Listening-I mean some real listening, not just hearing what the other has to say. Use active listening, try to concentrate and understand what your partner is communicating to you. This is important because if you do not understand what your partner is saying and feeling, the two of you will not make any progress.


Body Language-Your nonverbal communication speaks louder than words. Pay attention to your body language. What are you giving off to the person talking to you? Are you rolling your eyes at them? Giving them the impression that whatever they are saying doesn’t matter. Are you looking away and not making eye contact? How about folding your arms? Are you shutting yourself off to them? Be aware of your body language and the signs you are sending because it says a lot.


Response-How are you responding to them? Are you taking in what they are saying? Or are you hearing what they have to say and thinking about your side of the discussion, so you can have a response. Basically, going tit for tat with them. Go use those active listening skills of concentrating and understanding and respond to what they are saying to you.


Avoid the Blame Game-One of the most frustrating aspects of an argument in a relationship is being blamed for all its faults. As if, there aren’t two people in the relationship. To place sole blame on your partner is not fair to you, them, or the relationship. It is extremely important to have self-awareness or an insight on your own behavior and actions. Personally, I try to remember a quote from Carl Jung when I am in an argument with my partner or someone else for that fact “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” To me this quote speaks to the importance of being able to show compromise in a situation you are not comfortable in. Sometimes, it’s not about how you feel but about how you make them feel and you understanding this.


Learning your partner-You’ve heard the saying, “he/she knows how to push my buttons” you know what upsets your partner, you know what makes them happy and pleases them. What are you doing? Are you purposely not communicating well to pick a fight or getting on their nerves for some reason. Look at what you are doing in knowing your partner. Also, learning your partner’s love languages can go a long way. What is important to them, is it quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch? Research the book The 5 Love Languages to learn more about the different types. If you wish to get the book, you can follow this link http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=love+languages


Follow-up-Are you taking in what they are saying and implementing. If your wife comes to you and says, “I need you to want to spend more quality time” and shows you how to give her what she needs. What do you do with that? Does finding a way to spend more quality time with her last two weeks and you two are back to arguing because you revert back.


You can try these tips on your own and see if they work for you. But if you think you need additional help, visiting a Marriage and Family Therapist may be able to improve the communication between you and your partner.



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